


Through The Cracks On Stone

by Dacia



Category: Dr. STONE (Anime), Dr. STONE (Manga)
Genre: (failed) suicide attempt, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Empathy, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Happy Ending, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Suicide Attempt, TheKingdomofShipping, Warnings May Change, healing from depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 21:34:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21535744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dacia/pseuds/Dacia
Summary: Where light falls over the spiderweb thin cracks running criss-cross, the chasm gazes back. Inside, the breath of the tomb mingles with the silence of stardust.
Relationships: Ishigami Senkuu/Shishiou Tsukasa, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Comments: 12
Kudos: 52





	1. Before Sunrise

Three thousand seven hundred fifteen years and two hundred forty one days. Thirteen lakh fifty six thousand two hundred and sixteen days. Thirty two million five lakh forty nine thousand one hundred eighty four hours. Nineteen billion fifty two million nine lakh fifty one thousand forty minutes. Eleven trillion seventy one billion seventy seven million sixty two thousand four hundred seconds.

Senkuu did not often think about ‘what if’s. For one, in between making this stone world inhabitable for themselves and planning for the future, there simply wasn’t enough time or energy left for him to do so. For another, he refused to go down that path quite consciously.

But occasionally, there would be moments when he would wonder, absently, with most of his conscious thought skittering away from that brittle bit inside – _what if?_ What if he had lost the count, what if he had not been able to keep going, what if he had _failed? In keeping awake, in retaining sanity…_

He had counted each of those trillions of seconds. And Ishigami Senkuu did not want to remember a single one of those moments.

Sometimes, after this line of thought would be shoved away by him yet another time, Senkuu would muse if they, any of them, sane at all. Sanity itself was a concept of modernity – one that Senkuu did not value much considering how the soft sciences lack in specificity. And in this stone world there was less point than ever to be concerned regarding sanity. He was pretty certain, from what he had studied of psychology and psychoanalysis – and he had studied more than most practitioners did, since they _specialised_ – that pretty much every single human they would meet in this stone world, whether those that they depetrified themselves, or those who were depetrified by some other happenstance – none would meet the criteria of having a healthy, functional psyche.

Over three millenniums without any sensory data, without movement, without active sense organ, in utter, constant confinement of darkness – in modern society solitary confinement had been one of worst punishment for criminals, and one of the most critiqued, considering the plethora of psychological problems it created for the prisoners.

Ishigami Senkuu did not often think about the psychological pitfalls they would all be facing in this stone world. Mostly because they were inevitable. And there were neither quick, nor certain methods to deal with them.

He sat on the sea shore, watching Shishiou Tsukasa nearing a stone statue, and closed his eyes for a moment.

He hated the soft sciences.

Senkuu stood up, and threw himself forward, seconds before Tsuakasa’s fist would have crashed through the statue, _no, petrified human._

“Please don’t.”

His fist was pressed against Senkuu’s throat. Senkuu appreciated, for an absent moment, the amount of control it required for Tsukasa to stop at that point.

“You will stop me?”

Tsukasa sounded … like he _wanted_ to be confused, wanted to not know why Senkuu was standing there. And yet there was no surprise on his face, only resignation, a bone deep exhaustion clawing away at him and Senkuu thought he could see cracked spiderwebs running beneath his skin, moments away from falling to pieces. He saw those cracks in Taiju, sometime, late at night, when his friend talked about Yuzuriha in half mumbles, face hidden in shadows of moonlight.

He knew he carried those cracks in himself, had known them with the familiarity grown over eleven trillion seventy one billion seventy seven million sixty two thousand four hundred seconds.

 _For Tsukasa it should be more._ He thought. They had depetrified Tsukasa almost a year after they have woken up – one year meant thirty one million five lakh and thirty six thousand seconds.

“What will you do after?” He asked, watching Tsukasa. “After you kill him, then what?”

Tsukasa stared for a long moment, before laughing slightly.

“I will kill more.” He smiled. “Till…well either I will stop being afraid, or…”

He shrugged. “May be I will die.”

“Or you could live.” Senkuu suggested.

He watched as Tsukasa’s smile deepened, half to himself, half to… the cracks underneath that they were both looking at.

“I am tired.” He murmured. “You really won’t let me kill him?”

“You really want to kill him?” Senkuu asked.

“You don’t think I do?” Tsukasa looked at him. “Aren’t you standing here because you knew I was going to?”

“I am standing here because I want you to live.” Senkuu answered him, holding his eyes. “Because we both know you don’t want to kill, you want to stop being afraid.”

“I am very afraid.” Tsukasa nodded serenely. “Do you know, I have been afraid for a long, long time?”

“I can’t even remember”, he mused. “A time when I haven’t been afraid.”

“I really want to stop being afraid. Senkuu”, Tsukasa tilted his head. “Don’t you think killing him will let me stop being afraid?”

“It will.” Senkuu nodded. “the fear will be gone. What will be left in its place…” he looked up, sighing quietly, “All this time you spent running away, bearing this fear – won’t it all be meaningless? What will you have left?”

He watched Tsukasa close his eyes, turning away. It was after a long moment of silence that he spoke again.

“What do I have left now?” He asked the crashing waves.

Senkuu opened his mouth, closed it. He rubbed a hand over his face. “You are here.” He answered, voice lost in the sound of the wind and the ocean. “Alive.” He picked up a seashell that the last wave had swept over beside his feet.

He placed the shell in Tsukasa’s palm. “You are still alive.” He looked him in the eye. “ _You are still alive.”_

* * *

Nights in the stone world were uncannily quiet. Not as quiet as when he had been petrified, nothing could be as quiet as that – but there was a kind of _pause_ like the world was waiting for the sun to return. There were the occasional night birds calling, and a kind of rustling from the wind and hum of insects – but all of it somehow only deepened the silence, like the murky stomach of a dead beast.

It reminded him of hospitals sometimes. Of the beeping in her room. Routine, constant. Other times it reminded his of dark rooms, with spiderwebs hanging in the corner of the ceilings, broken beer bottles strewn outside the door and bruises that faded to blue in the dark.

The stars were always bright in the stone world. Shishiou Tsukasa had never really thought of how bright stars could be, at least he could not remember thinking of it before, nor had he thought of looking upwards to see them – not till Ishigami Senkuu said that he was going to go to space.

Tsukasa was still not quite sure what the correct, or, rather, _possible,_ response to that was supposed to be.

Tsukasa…did not want to go anywhere.

He had tried to think of it, if he _did_ want to go anywhere. Or wanted to do anything in particular.

Something that would prove that he was alive.

He had returned to the sea shore, after the other two had fallen asleep. The night was dangerous in the stone world – rife with beasts and the unknown, but Shishiou Tsukasa could not find it in himself to care.

 _That is the thing._ He thought, watching the waves crashing down, over and over, the pale white foam glistening in moonlight.

_To care, to want – without these is one really alive?_

He neared the stone statue, watching it carefully. Its face was twisted in… _fear._ Tsukasa knew that emotion intimately, had carried it with most of his living memory, and in that darkness of petrification…

 _If the lions were not there._ He thought. _If they didn’t have to make that decision._

In three millenniums so much had happened. One broken tree, one earthquake, a decaying building – anything could have broken him.

And instead he was here. Still drawing breath. Still afraid.

He could kill now. He could kill everyone whom he had wanted to kill, everyone who had hurt him, everyone who could hurt him. They had no way to stop him, immobile and static, helpless just as he had been once.

Tsukasa placed a hand on the statue’s head. All he had to do was grip it harder, and it would be in pieces, in dust tinier than crushed seashells.

 _I can kill._ The urge screamed inside him, a deep chasm that was the same as the child who could do nothing but swallow back his cries because sound meant more pain. The smell of bear gripped his lungs, tearing away at them as blood and bruise bloomed under his skin, creased and crinkled like wet sand inside his fingernails.

Tsukasa let go of the statue, moved back. The moonlight created shadows over the folds of its face, under its throat. It carried the silence of the stone world in its immobile changeless existence.

 _Isn’t the space even more silent?_ He found himself thinking. _Why does he want to go there?_

And then, _she would have liked him._

Tsukasa turned away, wading forward in the water. Every step seemed to drag at his skin, clawing away something till Tsukasa thought he could feel the coldness of the water in his bones. It raised up past his knees, past his thighs, waist, chest, throat.

He moved forward, moonlight sliding past with the waves, and submerged under.

It was a bit like being petrified. He found himself thinking, swimming forward, downward. Though nothing perhaps could be an exact comparison to that. But the darkness was the same. Moonlight couldn’t penetrate the water at this depth, and Tsukasa had already swam down enough that he could not feel the waves any longer.

He could hold his breath for close to fifteen minutes. Tsukasa didn’t know how long it had been, but he could feel the need of air. He continued moving downwards, almost racing against the reducing air inside him, pushed onward to get deep enough, deep enough that when his air ran out the surface would be far away, too far away for even his instinct driven body to reach.

 _A little more._ He thought. _Then I can sleep._

_Finally, finally, I can rest._

* * *

“Senkuu. Oi, Senkuu.”

 _There’s no danger._ His mind supplied even as he was getting up. “What is it?” He yawned, glaring at his friend.

“Tsukasa kun is gone.”

Senkuu stared at the spot where the third of their party should have been sleeping. “Yes.”

“Shouldn’t we look for him?” Taiju looked concerned. “It’s dangerous here at night, isn’t it? Even if its him…”

“Yes.” Senkuu got up, rubbing at his eyes to push away the last vestiges of sleep. “Let’s look for him.”

 _Not the beasts here._ He thought, frowning to himself. _But in his own head…_

Shishiou Tsukasa had been standing on a precipice. Senkuu had watched him staring in the abyss every moment since being depetrified.

He had never wanted to choose by himself whom to depetrify. He had never wanted this feeling of immediate responsibility for a person that he had known he would feel the moment he had started researching depetrification.

But he had awakened Shishiou Tsukasa for his own need, awakened him in a world that did not have, _yet,_ the means, the space, the _time_ that would allow him to heal.

And today morning he had watched Shishiou Tsukasa tittering on the edge, had pushed him to the side _he_ thought was safe.

“Isn’t this the path towards the sea, Senkuu?” Taiju held a spear up as he looked around for any sounds.

“Yes. He seemed to like the ocean.” Senkuu walked as fast as he could, without a proper path to walk on. “When did you see he was gone?”

“Ah…the first time was...”

“The first time?” Senkuu cut him mid speech, feeling a sharp sense of panic all of a sudden.

“I got up to pee.” Taiju shrugged. “I thought he went out to another side for the same reason. But earlier, I woke up – I had a dream about Yuzuriha chan, you see …”

“And he wasn’t there?”

“Yeah.” Taiju frowned. “It should have been…may be over an hour? The moon was higher when I got up the first time.”

 _Midnight, then._ Senkuu looked up, frowning. It was closer to dawn than night now, though the sky hadn’t started to lighten. Perhaps around two in the morning – he couldn’t tell for sure.

_That’s over two hours._

It took them nearly fifteen minutes to get to the shore. Senkuu sped up, half running to where they had spoken earlier in the morning. The statue was still there, bathed in moonlight and shadows, face frozen in twisted mockery at the lion skin cloak sprawling at its feet.

Senkuu stared at it for a long moment, lungs squeezing in sudden coldness even as his mind started to move through all the ways of resuscitating a drowned person. He moved forward, nearly falling over as his eyes tried to scan the water for a shape.

_Its too dark._

“Senkuu. Senkuu. Look.”

He looked up, feeling something hysterical in himself as he tried to follow what Taiju was pointing at.

_There._

A dark shape bobbed up for a moment, caught in a glimpse of moonlight before it went down again.

“Why is he bathing now?” Taiju scratched his head, eyes widening as Senkuu pulled his tunic off in a rush, running past him.

“Senkuu?!”

Taiju was already following him, faithful in obedience despite his confusion. For what it was worth, Senkuu found himself hoping, despite his brain telling him otherwise, that Taiju was right. Tsukasa was just taking a swim, and lost track of time.

It was high tide, the waves fiercer than they have been in the morning. Senkuu pushed past them, taking a deep breath as he went under, Taiju beside him. He was a good swimmer, having practised clothed swimming along with his father in preparation for the day when he would go to space. Swimming in the ocean was nothing like swimming in the pool, but the shore here was even and the waves were not as bad as Senkuu knew it was in many other parts of the world.

 _I need to stay calm._ He thought, nearing the place where they had seen the shape. _Everything will be alright. We are alive. We will be okay._

He took a deep gulp of air before diving down. It was impossible to see underwater during night. He swam down as far as could, fingers stretching to find something, _anything,_ before coming back up again.

Senkuu bit down on his lips, frustration burning behind his eyes. Beside him Taiju was wiping his face helplessly.

“Again.” He took another breath, dived down.

Nothing.

He came up. Breathed. Dived down.

 _He is conscious._ Senkuu thought. _That’s why we saw him. He is strong enough that it doesn’t matter how far down he swims. The moment his body runs out of air and instinct takes over, he will always reach the surface._

Two hours. How many times had he tried? Swimming down, down, reaching in the dark to find a depth that would be cold enough where he can’t come back from – _how many times had he tried to die?_

Senkuu was preparing for the seventh dive when he found him, a form breaking through the surface of the water. _Twelve minutes,_ he thought. _That’s how long Shishiou Tsukasa held on for this time._ He was moving forward already, grabbing Tsukasa’s arm as the man nearly went down again.

 _His movements are barely voluntary any more,_ Senkuu realised, as he and Taiju bore most of the weight. _His body is too well built to ignore survival instincts, but other than those spurts of movements, he hardly has anything left._

He remembered Tsukasa’s question from this morning. _What do I have left?_

Their eyes met for a moment, before Tsukasa let out a low sigh, letting his head fall to a side, eyes closing for a moment. He cooperated as they pulled him to the shore, as much as he could, but Senkuu could feel his limbs giving way every now and then, and on reaching the sands, he stopped moving all together.

Senkuu allowed themselves a reprieve of three seconds, steadying his own breathing, before he dragged Tsukasa up to a sitting position. “Cough.” He ordered, hitting his back where the lungs would be.

Tsukasa coughed twice, spitting out small amount of water before changing his position to lean over on his knees. He pushed three finger down his throat and vomited, Senkuu holding back the wet strands of his hair as he remained on his knees, shaking with more dry heaves wrecking through his frame, and pulled him away from the mess as his body tilted to a side, almost collapsing.

Senkuu stared at the black expanse of the ocean. Taiju was sitting quietly, silent since they have found Tsukasa, probably the moment that he realised why Tsukasa was there.

Tsukasa had not tried to move away from where he was half lying in Senkuu’s arm, face turned away. Senkuu could feel his nose pressing against his stomach. Too tired, likely. He might not be able to walk. But it would be hard for Taiju to carry him, considering how tall Tsukasa was.

 _Lets just rest here tonight._ Senkuu thought, feeling tiredness dragging at him now that the adrenaline had receded. _Tomorrow.._

_Tomorrow, if he needs, I will break that fucking statue myself._

It was an illogical thought. Senkuu would have laughed at himself for this level of idiocy in any other moment. Breaking that statue, breaking any statue, killing anyone – it would only push Tsukasa to a corner, to the abyss that he had been afraid of so long. He would not be afraid, because he wouldn’t have any hope of escaping anymore.

They had both known it. He had said as much to Tsukasa, forcing the man to face that truth. Tsukasa had known it with the same bone-wrenching exhaustion with which he has asked, Senkuu, himself, the world at large – _what do I have left?_

“Lets go.” Taiju’s voice was steady, the calm a far cry from his usual exuberance. “We should get back. Tsukasa kun, I am going carry you, alright?”

Senkuu watched as Tsukasa’s body stuttered as he tried to push up to an upright position. “I will walk.” His voice was hoarse as Taiju leaned down, putting one of his arms around his own shoulder.

He stood up, putting on his tunic that he had taken off earlier, before grabbing the other arm. Tsukasa didn’t stop him. His legs were trembling, Senkuu saw. He could feel the man swaying, breathing harsh with every movement, every step. Most of his body weight was on Taiju and Senkuu himself, yet Senkuu could feel Tsukasa shaking with every stride, as though he would fall to pieces any moment now, would be lost in this sandy shore strewn with sea shells.

 _But he is not._ Senkuu thought, a fierce thrumming within his veins. _He is alive. We are alive._

 _We are going to live._ He gritted his teeth, sand prickling in his toenails. _Everything that we need, that we want – I will make it. Till he find something for himself._

_We will live._

* * *

Take a look at my original fiction [Yra](https://droidwriting.wordpress.com/2020/09/01/yra/) if you are interested in futeristic worlds, reborn protagonists and the entertainment circle.


	2. That Which is Mine

Tsukasa had not thought that he will be able to sleep. Even when the world has been fading in and out after Senkuu and Taiju had all but carried him back to their tree house; when Senkuu had helped him take of the wet tunic – _had done it himself rather, Tsukasa had been just going along with the movements –_ and wiped him dry, taking extra time to dry his hair, pulling over a thick piece of cloth to cover him up; when Taiju had brought over grape juice and water – _and held him up so that he could drink it, because he could not even lift his head –_ all through he had been awake, too awake with sharp edges that blackened the corners of his vision.

He really did want to sleep.

If only because he did not want to know that the other two were also awake.

 _What was the point of it all?_ The thought had flitted through him, clammy with exhaustion. _What… why…?_

_What am I supposed to do?_

Tsukasa had been awake till the sky started to lighten, had heard birdcalls. Then… he had fallen asleep, he supposed, perhaps during one of those gaps of time.

He had often got those gaps, since a long time. Sometimes when he was in the ring. Sometimes when in the hospital. Often, in the apartment amidst screams and pain.

Sometime when he was walking to school, or in-between lectures. He knew those moments had happened, because he had his notes, and bruises, and receipts of the hospital visits – but he did not _know_ them. Did not remember walking those steps, did not remember writing those words, did not remember _the what, where, how, why_ of anything.

Its like the world has been moving. And he was caught inside a time pocket, non-existent to everything.

Senkuu would know, he supposed, if time pockets were real. Outside science fiction, that was.

Then again, they were living in a science fiction right now, an apocalyptic one, so who could say that all the stories weren’t true.

Tsukasa hoped the stone world didn’t have zombies.

He looked at his kills for the day. Two pheasants and a rabbit. By the time he woke up, it was past midday, and when he had been about to leave for hunting, Senkuu had stopped him.

“The traps should have something in them.” He had said, pressing a leaf with washed fruits in his hands. “Don’t run after any big animals, in fact, don’t run at all. Your limbs needs to recuperate. At eat that first.”

He was not wrong, Tsukasa had to agree, considering the constant tiredness dragging at his body. That being said, he wished he could take longer to return, longer than picking up the games from traps required.

It was… _disconcerting_ , to be looked after.

He did not know… how to respond. What the correct response was.

* * *

“Senkuu.”

“Hmm?”

“Are we not telling him?”

Senkuu looked up from where he was peering at one of the broken pieces of stone. It was from one of the swallows they had depetrified earlier.

Taiju was frowning at the ground, the expression sitting oddly on him. Senkuu stared at him for a long moment.

“Be more specific.” He looked back down.

“You know what I am – ”

“I know.” Senkuu rubbed at his eyes, his neck aching. “Be more specific anyway.”

“About the reviving liquid.” Taiju looked up, lips pursed. “Earlier, the moment I started to mention it he left. Are we not supposed to tell him?”

“In this case shouldn’t you be asking whether he wants to know or not?” Senkuu asked.

Taiju opened his mouth, then closed it, looking thoroughly dissatisfied.

“He is probably aware that I don’t, didn’t trust him.” Senku said. “Since his depetrification, I have been keeping him away from learning about the revival liquid. Probably, he feels that … after last night we might be too emotionally driven to lose our distrust, that I might disregard the reasons behind distrusting him and attempt to make him feel included by sharing this information.”

“But we don’t distrust him, do we?” Taiju scratched his head. “And he… wants to be distrusted ?”

Senkuu laughed out. “He doesn’t want to be distrusted, he is used to being distrusted. And because of his principles he is removing himself from any chance that he might manipulate our emotion to get us to trust him. Well, mine.” He corrected himself, chuckling. “Its pretty obvious that you aren’t capable of not trusting.”

“But – ”

“I didn’t trust him.” Senkuu cut him off. “That’s true. The reasons for not trusting him are still there. And at any rate, trust isn’t about logic. Reasons, benefits and drawbacks – at the end it comes down to your decision.”

“But you are worried about him, right?” Taiju asked. “Then isn’t it kind of pointless to not trust him?”

“You just proved yourself to be ten billion times more intelligent than Tsukasa.” Senkuu grinned.

“Then – ”

“It is as you said.” Senkuu shrugged, picking up the piece of stone again. “I am not a masochist. It would be an unnecessary waste of emotional labour to distrust him, when I am obviously concerned for his wellbeing. And impossible, really”, he mused. “Simultaneous distrust and philia do not happen, not if one is to be honest to themselves.”

“So we trust him, right?” Taiju grinned, looking utterly relieved. “What’s philia?”

“It – ah, you are back.”

Taiju turned around, waving and smiling. Tsukasa nodded at them both, putting down the dead animals. Senkuu watched as he ran a quick eye over the clearing, noting the flash of surprise. He wondered if Tsukasa would ask about Yuzuriha.

_Or perhaps he will avoid any topic that might seem like he is asking about the revival liquid._

“Now that you are back we can wake her!”

 _Thank the universe for Taiju._ Senkuu had to stifle down a snort of laughter at how Tsukasa seemed quite frozen for a moment.

The mirth left as soon as it had come. The man looked like he wanted to run but didn’t know where to go. Since morning, they had all been careful to act normal – the kind of normal that was paper-thin, decaying at places.

Tsukasa refused to look at either of them for too long. Each time their eyes met, it was clear, at least to Senkuu that he was forcing himself to not turn away, to stand there and speak in a normal voice _that held cracks inside_ , to register each moment like the world was falling away from him.

Like he was forcing himself to exist.

“I think it might be best if I am not present while she is awakened.” Tsukasa looked away, walking over to sit against a rock, consciously keeping his shoulders loose. “She doesn’t know me, and waking up to a world like this would – ”

“Yuzuriha wouldn’t mind.” Taiju spoke over him, still grinning. “Besides Senkuu said he trusts you so – ”

 _Well._ Senkuu watched Tsukasa stiffening, eyes widening imperceptibly. _We always were going to have a talk regarding this. Talking and sharing, particularly regarding trust issues – mental health 101._

He watched quietly as Tsukasa seemed to … _brace_ himself before looking over to his direction. “That is an illogical decision.”

His voice was carefully even, neutral.

“Trust isn’t a decision based on logic.” Senkuu answered, feeling utterly out of his depth.

“It is based on emotion.” Tsukasa nodded, half to himself. “I expected that given your love for science, you will be a logical person.”, he kept his eyes steady, not looking at his trembling fingers. Senkuu wondered if he was aware of it.

“You need not feel forced to trust me.” Tsukasa said. “You do not need to be concerned that … that I will kill myself without you trusting me. Nor do you need to feel responsible for my emotions nor actions.”

“I understand that it might be hard for you not be involved should – should what happened last night be repeated again.” Tsukasa continued, voice without inflection. “It was not caused by any actions, or inactions on either of your part – I believe you are aware of that. Nonetheless, you can rest assured that it will not be repeated – ”

“You mean you will take care to ensure we don’t find out.” Senkuu said.

There was a sharp ache below his skin, just underneath his fingernails. There were pins pushing outwards from inside his bone.

Beside him Taiju had gone pale. Senkuu wondered if he was the same himself.

Tsukasa stayed silent for a long time, before turning his face away. _As though he is crumbling from inside,_ Senku thought.

“I do not owe you being alive.” Tsukasa said.

“You don’t.” Senkuu kept his eyes on him, forcing himself to swallow. “And it is selfish of us to force you to be alive against your wish.”

“I am not”, Senkuu said, “capable of inaction when I am aware of another person hurting enough to attempt suicide. I will not be capable of that inaction in future, either.”

“Whether to trust you or not, whether to be concerned about you or not – these decisions are mine. Irrespective of your actions, these are decisions I am making consciously. You do not have to like it. You do not have to agree with it.”

“Perhaps you might take a moment to consider why it discomfits you that we trust you, that we care about you.” Senkuu stood up. “Three parts nitric acid to one part distilled alcohol. Taiju knows where these are, help him in mixing it. I will make another request to you. Being emotionally detached while you turn away from life is not possible for me – I am, I have always been, a person with a complete range of feelings and emotions, and while you do not owe us being alive, I do not owe it to you to suffer myself the pain of looking on while a person, a friend, dies.”

“Please do not ask that of me.”

* * *

_Stupid._ He pressed the heel of his hand to his eyes, after he had left the clearing well behind.

_Walking away, losing my patience with a mentally unsound person, what the fuck are am I doing?_

Mentally unsound. Senkuu looked at the sky. They were all mentally unsound. Who was he to put that label on Tsukasa?

He was supposed to stay calm. Senkuu looked around himself, feeling a wave of exhaustion at the statues covered with greeneries. Basics of Psychotherapy. Stay calm. Don’t argue with the patient. Don’t excite the patient’s emotion. Give the patient a safe place to think.

_I am not a therapist. I don’t even agree with most of what psychiatry says._

There were so many books, so many information that his head carried. It told Senkuu how the one attempting suicide might feel, how their family should handle their communications, how the therapist ought to stay distant, ought to remain objective.

He was not Tsukasa’s family. They could barely be called friends, considering they hardly knew anything substantial about each other. He was just …

 _Just another person in this stone world_.

He was a high school student who loved science, loved the magic of it. He wanted to go to space, wanted to know the unknown. He wanted to return to a time when he didn’t know what it was to count each second of millenniums.

A time when he didn’t understand what it was to want to stop existing.

 _Perhaps if I felt the same,_ Senkuu thought, _if I wanted not to live, but to let go of everything._

_Then – would I know the right thing to say?_

“I just don’t want him to die.” He whispered to the moss covered statues. “Is that so strange? Not wanting a person to die, not wanting a person to hurt?”

He pressed his hands over his face again, forcing down the sharp lump of helplessness. He remembered the promise he made last night, of living.

_I will make everything till he finds what he wants._

Science was about trying, trying no matter how many failures, trying till that moment of success came. Senkuu looked at his hands for a long moment.

“I will trust that you will wait till then, till I manage to make something that you want.” He whispered. “I will trust that you will be patient with me.”

_My trust is mine to give._

* * *

The silence was too loud.

Taiju stared at the direction which Senkuu left to, tried to remember the last time he had seen his friend do that.

Walk away from a conversation, that was.

Or visibly losing his calm.

He looked back towards Tsukasa. He was sitting where he had been all this time, staring vacantly towards the same direction. Their eyes met for a moment, before Tsukasa looked down at his fingers.

 _Like the pieces left after one of Senkuu’s failed experiments._ Taiju thought. _Like that rocket. Half-burnt, broken, ruined._

Even Senkuu, with his habit of hoarding, and recycling and reusing, had been unable to salvage anything from that wreckage.

Taiju wondered if Tsukasa felt the same way. Half-burnt. Broken. Ruined.

Unsalvageable.

He was staring at his trembling fingers now. Like he did not know which way they wanted to move, what they wanted to grasp. Like he did not know what to do.

Taiju wasn’t sure how he was feeling himself.

It was different from when he was in the stone. He could move. He could speak. He could laugh. He could run away right now if he wanted to.

Taiju did not want to run away.

It was like, a little bit, right after waking up. Looking at… at everything.

But then he had found Yuzuriha. And Senkuu.

Senkuu had always been there. Taiju had never known, would never know what it was like to exist just by himself in the stone world for six months.

_Or what it is like to want to kill myself._

Taiju was happy to be alive. Even after three millenniums in stone, he was happy that he lived.

He wanted to live more.

There had been a girl. Two years younger than their year. She had hung herself in her bedroom. Taiju had heard the news of her passing with the rest of their school when the principal announced it during assembly.

They had observed an one minute silence in her memory.

That it was a suicide was murmured through rumours and gossip. He tried to remember what Senkuu had said about it.

Did Senkuu say _anything_?

That had been the only time he had come across… across suicide. And that girl was… well, she was a girl he didn’t know. Younger than him. Taiju didn’t even remember what she looked like, or if he had ever seen her.

She was… faded.

Tsukasa. Tsukasa was… he was so strong. Taiju had never known another person as strong as Tsukasa.

He was nothing like a person who could fade away.

Except right now he looked like he did want to fade away.

 _I should say something._ Taiju thought. _Say…say something._

“Erm, Tsukasa kun?” He gave what he thought was a comforting smile, though Taiju doubted it worked, given how blankly Tsukasa was looking at him.

“That…er… should we prepare the miracle liquid? Senkuu said… and erm…”

“I think… I think she will be very happy to meet you.” Taiju finished, feeling utterly awkward.

 _But Yuzuriha will be happy to meet him._ He thought to himself. _And I bet she will make him feel better._

It wasn’t often that they managed to find new friends. Taiju himself was… well he knew that most of his classmates laughed behind his back. He knew he was stupid. Senkuu was the only one who had stuck with him, and for the life of him, Taiju never could figure out why.

Senkuu was… _Senku._ Amazing. Brilliant. Brighter than the stars he wanted to reach. Most people just couldn’t take that much brightness, rather choosing to turn away.

Yuzuriha… he had loved her the moment they met. She was kind, really kind. And She didn’t even realize it. And best of all, she had liked Senkuu as well.

Taiju had been worried about that. If she couldn’t like Senkuu, he wouldn’t be able to love her. But she _had_ liked him, and Senkuu approved of her too, had made friends with her. And just like that they had a new friend after, like, _ages._

Now there was Tsukasa. Senkuu said Taiju had trusted him from the beginning and that was true. He did. Because he had known, the moment Tsukasa had woken up and processed Senkuu’s information in seconds – _he belonged with them._

He could also keep up with whatever Senkuu was doing, and was really, really kind – and Taiju knew, the same way he had known when he met Yuzuriha, when he met Senkuu, that he had met someone really amazing.

Someone he really wanted to be friends with.

“We… we are going to wake everyone eventually right?” Taiju said when Tsukasa stayed silent, shifting his weight uncomfortably as the silence grew longer. “So doesn’t it make sense if all of us knew how to do it? And besides…”

He bit his lips. “I don’t understand why its not okay to trust you? You are a good person, Tsukasa kun.”

“You should trust yourself too.” Taiju rubbed at his neck, feeling just slightly less uncomfortable than he had when he had tried to propose to Yuzuriha back then.

“Or, or till you can do that, you could just trust us. That we trust you. If… if that makes sense.”

He watched nervously as Tsukasa stared at him a moment longer. Then the taller man looked away, sighing quietly.

“The revival liquid.” He said, climbing to his feet. “Show me.”

* * *

Senkuu walked back to the clearing to find Taiju fluttering around Yuzuriha, still petrified, with very vocal concerns of how and where he should pour the formula on her, while Tsukasa stood aside, watching his antics like he was seriously considering taking the bowl and throwing it on her himself.

_At last. Someone understands._

He walked forward, coming to stand beside Tsukasa. “I will not walk away again.” He said, not looking at him.

He felt Tsukasa nod. And then,

“I will try to live.”

 _This is enough._ Senkuu felt his lips twitching, something lightening in the bottom of his stomach. _Trying is enough._

Because Tsukasa had tried, had been trying, till he had nothing left. So if he was trying for a little more – that was already more than enough.

Because when a man like Tsukasa said he will try, it meant he _will_ do it, _will_ keep going, _will_ keep living.

_I won’t keep him waiting. I will make the world where he can breathe._

“I am surprised you haven’t thrown the formula on her yet.”

“You are not a very romantic person, are you?” Tsukasa let out a small laugh. “Separation sweetens the heart – let him cherish it.”

“Sounds exactly as pointless as I expect romance to be.” Senkuu rolled his eyes, moving forward. “Are you planning to get that done any time this century?”

“Senkuu.” Taiju looked frazzled. “Do you think its okay to wake her here? Do you think we should move her indoors? Do you think – ”

“I think I want lunch.” Senkuu glared. “Pour it. Or I will.”

“But, but – Senku!”

The cry came too late as Senkuu tore awaythe wooden vial from Taiju’s hand and threw it over Yuzuriha’s face. _She wants to wake up. What does it matter where it is._

He couldn’t get away from being shaken though. Nor from the screams of “Senkuu! How could You!”

 _Wake up. Before he rattles my brain out._ He sent a glare towards the statue that had, much to his delight started to crack, and Taiju, _finally,_ let him go in favour of staring at it.

Senkuu wondered how his neck had survived Taiju and Taiju’s love life till now.

“You should have been the one to do it.” He grumbled towards Tsukasa, who had not taken a single step to help him. “I bet he couldn’t have shaken you.”

“First rule of self-defence.” Tsukasa smiled, placid with the barest hint of amusement. “Don’t get in the situation where you need a defence at all.”

Senkuu huffed, but didn’t protest, instead turning towards the other two. Yuzuriha was blinking like she had woken up after a long time. Senkuu hoped that was the case, that she had slept away the entire time.

That would be the best possibility.

“Taiju kun?” She tried to sit up, groggily touching her head. “What… what is going on?”

Taiju opened his mouth, closed it, looked at Senkuu pleadingly for a moment, before sighing and turning to her.

“Yuzuriha.” His voice sounded rough. “This – there’s a lot – its been a long time.”

“Its been three thousand seven hundred years. We all turned to stone. Then Senkuu woke up and found a way to turn us back.”

“I am not making sense, am I?” He gave a tremulous smile, hand spasming as though he wanted to grab hold of her. “Yuzuriha – ”

“You saved me, right?” She seemed to settle down, reaching out herself for a split second before stopping. “I don’t understand anything, but Taiju kun, I know you saved me.”

“Thank you.”

Senkuu watched Taiju almost glow, something settling down in its rightful place inside him. _It almost feels like everything is okay_ , he thought, before stepping forward.

“Senkuu kun.” Yuzuriha grinned up at him.

“Yuzuriha.” He felt himself grinning. “Its good to have you back. This is Tsukasa.” He nodded towards the man standing beside him, wanting to laugh at how Yuzuriha’s eyes rounded. _I knew she will react like this. This girl loves to look at pretty faces._ “Tsukasa, meet Yuzuriha Ogawa. Now, introductions over. Taiju, move her away from there. I need those shards.”

He waited till Taiju had obeyed him, Yuzuriha protesting that she could get up by herself, Tsukasa almost poking a hole at the side of his head as though asking “what kind of introduction was that”. Senkuu ignored all of them quite happily, leaning down to pick up the shards one by one and gathering them in in the skirt of his tunic. Behind hm the voices seemed to fall away as he focussed on his task, mingling in each other and the rustling breeze. He felt light, as though filled with hydrogen, and Senkuu could recite the exact physiological reason and the emotional causality that was behind this warmth curled around him but –

The world felt right. And that was enough.

* * *

Take a look at my original fiction [Yra](https://droidwriting.wordpress.com/2020/09/01/yra/) if you are interested in futeristic worlds, reborn protagonists and the entertainment circle.

**Author's Note:**

> twt @sphinxdroid
> 
> You can find my original fictions here :-
> 
> https://droidwriting.wordpress.com/
> 
> Eventually I will be posting nearly all my original works there, along with some danmei translations - so do drop by.
> 
> (There will be a longer note on various authorial decisions regarding the story attached top of first chapter.)


End file.
